I decided to create a mini-series that will occur ever so often throughout this blog called “This is Why”. In this series I will explain why I feel a certain way about things or why things are the way they are. So today kicks off the first ever “This is Why” series!
This is why sharks are the worst things in the world! The other night my twin* and I were discussing movies and I mentioned a movie that had a lot of snakes in it. She explained that she could not watch movies with a lot of snakes in them because they scare the poop out of her. I shared with her that my mother shares the same extreme fear with snakes, she squeals and jumps around whenever there could possibly be one around. My biggest fear is the ocean because I feel like you have no control out there and oh yea because of the sharks! My twin then explains that if you are ever attacked in the ocean by a shark you are supposed to punch it in the face, which I have heard before but I am going to be honest I see a large number of flaws with this. I mean think about it, say you see a shark swimming up towards you licking its lips:
1) Is your first thought going to be man I am going to punch that guy right in the nose? No you are probably peeing yourself while being eaten.
2) You probably scream underwater, releasing all your air so you are going to have to swim away to get more air, resulting in your demise.
3) Now say you do think about punching the shark, you really only have 2 chances (you only have 2 arms) You swing a “hard” (to be discussed in #4) punch at the shark but you’re in his element so he swerves and bites your arm off. You only have one more chance!! But I am betting that by the time he has snacked on your arm, the blood has attracted his friends/family over so you are screwed!
4) Alright, as we all know from growing up and running around in the pool, we don’t move as fast in water as we do on land. I am assuming that since our legs don’t move as fast then our arms wont either. So, even if Holyfield punches a shark it won’t do as much damage as it would if the shark was on our turf aka land.
So I have come to a conclusion. When I go to the gym, forget the cardio or the weights, I need to invest in some underwater weights. Then I can submerge myself underwater to train myself to:
a) hold my breath for hours
b) be able to punch a hole in the side wall of the pool
c) create a tourniquet out of my bathing suit to stop the bleeding if he does bite one of my arms off
Forget preparing for a zombie apocalypse, we are surrounded by water, which basically means the sharks are already circling us, literally!! This is why sharks/ the ocean are the worst! On land you can squish spiders or run from snakes but when you are in the ocean you are in their territory!! Nothing is worse than finding yourself in shark gang turf! So think carefully before getting into the ocean next time, is it worth all the hours of preparation beforehand so you can properly protect yourself? I believe my point has been made. Until next time….
*I decided not to use people’s real names in the blog but you will know who you are when I talk about you.
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